One of the most frequently cited reasons for placing children in daycare is the social benefit: "they'll learn to play with other children." The reality is more nuanced. Socialisation in early childhood is a developmental process with a clear trajectory, and understanding it helps parents calibrate expectations and support their child's social development effectively.
Healthbooq tracks child development and social milestones.
How Social Development Progresses in the Early Years
Mildred Parten's classic research on children's play (1932) identified a progression of social play that remains developmentally useful:
Solitary play (under 2 years). The child plays alone, independently, without reference to other children. This is not a problem — it is developmentally appropriate. Young toddlers are not socially ready for cooperative interaction.
Parallel play (around 18 months–3 years). The child plays alongside other children — using similar materials, in the same space — but without direct interaction. This is the dominant social play mode of most toddlers in daycare. Parallel play is more socially significant than it looks: children are observing, comparing, and learning from each other even without direct interaction.
Associative play (around 2.5–4 years). Children share materials, comment on each other's activities, and begin brief social exchanges, but without sustained coordination toward a shared goal. Two children making "food" in the sand pit, talking to each other, but each pursuing their own narrative.
Cooperative play (3 years and above). Children play together with shared goals and roles: "You be the doctor, I'll be the patient." This requires theory of mind (understanding that others have different perspectives and intentions), negotiation, and rule-following — capacities that are not fully available until roughly 3–4 years.
What This Means at Daycare
Parents sometimes worry when their toddler "just plays alone" at the setting and doesn't seem to be making friends. For a child under 2.5, this is developmentally typical. Parallel play is the appropriate social mode. The child is doing exactly what they should be doing.
Even brief parallel play in the company of other children provides important social experience:
- The child is learning to manage the presence of others in shared space
- They are observing other children's behaviour and learning from it (social referencing and imitation are powerful developmental mechanisms)
- They are developing comfort with the group environment that is the foundation for later cooperative interaction
The Role of Daycare in Social Development
Research consistently shows that children with experience of quality group childcare before school show better social outcomes in early schooling than those without such experience. The EPPE study found that children who had experienced group childcare settings scored higher on measures of social competence and lower on measures of anti-social behaviour at school entry.
The proposed mechanisms include: greater experience with peer norms, more practice with conflict and negotiation, and a broader social repertoire developed through sustained peer contact.
Carollee Howes' research at UCLA documented that early friendships in childcare settings — relationships formed between specific children over time — predict social adjustment at school entry. Children who have stable peer friendships before school entry show better social adjustment in the early school years.
What Parents Can Support
Accept the stage your child is at. Parallel play is not a failure of socialisation — it is its developmentally appropriate precursor. Pressuring a 2-year-old to "make friends" and "play together" when they are developmentally in a parallel play phase is counterproductive.
Learn the names of children your child mentions. Even young children develop preferences for specific peers before cooperative play is established. These preferences matter. Knowing and using the names of children the child mentions shows interest and helps the child develop the social vocabulary around specific relationships.
Facilitate peer contact outside the setting. Playdates with specific children from the setting allow the relationship to develop in a lower-stimulation environment, which can accelerate social development.
Key Takeaways
Socialisation in daycare develops gradually and is not linear. Young children begin with parallel play (playing alongside others), progress to associative play (sharing space and materials), and eventually to cooperative play (playing together toward a shared goal). The peer relationships and social skills developed in early group childcare have significant long-term effects on social competence and school readiness.
