Starting nursery — or any new childcare setting — is a significant transition for a baby or toddler, and how it is managed in the first days and weeks has a real effect on how long the adjustment takes and how settled the child ultimately becomes. The settling-in process exists precisely because abrupt transitions without gradual introduction are harder for children and harder for the setting to manage.
Understanding what a good settling process looks like, how to support it from home, and what to expect in the first weeks helps parents approach the transition with realistic expectations rather than either dismissing it as a minor administrative step or catastrophising it as a damaging event.
Healthbooq is a useful tool during nursery transitions for logging observations about mood, behaviour, sleep, and appetite at home — giving you a clear picture of how the adjustment is progressing across the first weeks.
What a Good Settling Process Looks Like
A well-structured settling-in period typically begins at least two weeks before the child's official start date. The sequence is gradual, moving from parent-present visits to parent-nearby visits to parent-absent visits of increasing length. A common structure might look like: a first visit of thirty to sixty minutes with the parent present and the child exploring freely; a second visit with the parent present for a shorter period before briefly leaving and returning while the child is still calm; and subsequent visits with the parent absent for progressively longer periods, building up to a full session across five to seven days.
The pace should follow the child rather than the schedule. A baby or toddler who is distressed at each successive step may need the progression slowed down, while a child who settles quickly and happily can move through the stages faster. The child's response — not the parent's return-to-work deadline — should drive the pace.
The key person assigned to the child plays a central role in settling. A good key person will make deliberate efforts to build a relationship with the child during settling — sitting at the child's level, following their interests, being the consistent adult at drop-off. If a child is still distressed at drop-off after two full weeks of gradual settling, it is worth having a conversation with the key person and the nursery manager about what additional support might help.
What to Tell Your Child
The explanation a child receives before starting nursery depends on their language and developmental stage. A baby under twelve months does not have the language processing to understand an explanation, and the settling is about building familiarity and attachment to the key person rather than preparing cognitively.
Toddlers from around eighteen months to two years can understand simple, concrete statements: "You are going to [name of nursery] where [key person's name] is going to look after you while Mummy/Daddy is at work. And I will come back after lunch." Naming the key person and giving a concrete reference point for return (after lunch rather than at 3pm, which is an abstract concept) helps.
Preschoolers (three to four years) can understand more and often benefit from reading books about starting nursery, visiting the setting before the official settling visits to walk around and meet the space, and very explicit reassurance that the parent always comes back.
Avoid telling a child it will be fine if they express worry — instead, acknowledge the feeling: "You're feeling a bit nervous. It's okay to feel that way. I'll always come back for you." This validates without dismissing.
The Drop-Off
The drop-off itself is the moment most parents dread, and it is worth having a clear approach. A warm, brief, and consistent goodbye ritual — the same sequence each time (a specific hug, a particular phrase, the same goodbye) — builds predictability that helps the child prepare for the separation. Stay long enough to complete the ritual; don't leave abruptly without saying goodbye.
Once you have said goodbye, leave. Prolonged departures extend the distress rather than reducing it. A child who is handed to their key person and sees their parent leave will typically settle within minutes — the crying at the door is not evidence that the child will be distressed for the duration of the session. Most good nurseries will send a brief text or photo after the first few minutes to confirm the child has settled.
Regression at Home
A child who is managing nursery adequately during sessions often shows signs of adjustment stress at home: increased clinginess in the evenings, more emotional and volatile behaviour, sleep disruption, and appetite changes. This is the child processing the demands of the new environment in the safe space of home — it is not evidence that the child is having a bad experience at nursery. It is a normal response to developmental stress and typically resolves within two to four weeks.
Maintaining home routines as consistently as possible during this period — the same bedtime sequence, the same familiar rituals — provides the continuity and predictability that supports the adjustment.
Key Takeaways
The settling-in process for nursery — the gradual introduction to the new environment, key person, and routine — is one of the most important factors in how well a baby or toddler adjusts to childcare. Well-managed settling takes one to two weeks and involves visits of increasing length, with the parent initially present, then nearby, then absent. Settling too quickly — because of parental pressure to return to work or underestimation of the time required — is associated with more distressed children and harder ongoing adjustments. Regression in behaviour, sleep, and appetite during the first weeks of nursery is normal and temporary.
