Your child is upset and you take them to a quiet space, help them breathe, and sing a calming song. Slowly, they calm down. Over time, with repeated practice, they can do parts of this themselves. Learning to calm down is a crucial skill that allows children to manage stress, handle frustration, and maintain wellbeing. Starting early with simple calming strategies gives them tools they can use throughout their lives. Healthbooq helps parents recognize opportunities to teach these important skills.
Why Calming Strategies Matter
When children are upset or overwhelmed, their nervous system is activated. Learning to calm down—to activate the parasympathetic nervous system—is essential for:
- Managing emotions
- Reducing anxiety
- Handling frustration
- Getting ready to learn
- Building resilience
- Developing independence
- Improving sleep
- Maintaining physical health
Children who develop a repertoire of calming strategies are better equipped to handle life's challenges.
Age-Appropriate Strategies
Young toddlers (18-24 months):
Calming is still primarily dependent on caregivers, but can include:
- Physical comfort (hugs, rocking)
- Favorite toy or lovey
- Repetitive movement (rocking, swinging)
- Soothing sounds (singing, soft music)
- Sensory input (soft blanket, water play)
Older toddlers (24-36 months):
Can begin learning strategies with adult support:
- Deep breathing (you do it together)
- Walking or running
- Singing
- Coloring or drawing
- Playing with water
- Listening to music
- Having a "calm space"
Preschoolers (3-5 years):
Can use strategies with decreasing adult support:
- Deep breathing independently
- Progressive muscle relaxation
- Mindfulness or focusing activities
- Creative expression
- Physical activity
- Using a calm toolkit
- Asking for help
Specific Calming Strategies
Breathing exercises:- Deep breathing: "Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth"
- Bubble breathing: Pretend to blow bubbles slowly
- Smell the flowers/blow out the candles: Breathe in slowly, exhale slowly
- Make it playful so children engage
- Running or jumping
- Dancing
- Climbing
- Riding a bike or tricycle
- Swimming
- Yoga (child-friendly)
- Stretching
- Feeling a soft blanket or toy
- Playing with water
- Sand play
- Listening to music
- Looking at calm pictures
- Smelling pleasant scents (flowers, lotion, candles)
- Squishing playdough or modeling clay
- Drawing or painting
- Playing music
- Singing
- Storytelling or pretend play
- Making things with blocks or crafts
- Watching fish in a tank
- Cloud watching
- Looking at a snow globe
- Focusing on a flame (with supervision)
- Listening to nature sounds
- Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and relax muscle groups
- Weighted blanket or lap pad
- Warm bath
- Massage or gentle touch
- Rocking
- Hugs from caregiver
- Talking through feelings
- Reading together
- Sitting close to someone
- Asking for help
Teaching Calming Strategies
Practice in calm moments: Don't try to teach a calming strategy during a meltdown. Teach when your child is calm and happy.
Make it playful: "Want to be a sleeping dragon? Dragons breathe in slowly and breathe out slowly." This makes learning fun.
Do it together: "Let's breathe together." Model the strategy.
Practice regularly: The more they practice, the more available the strategy is when needed.
Create a calm toolkit: Gather items that help your child calm down (soft toy, drawing supplies, music) in a special box or basket.
Name it: Give the strategy a name: "bubble breathing," "calm crawl," "happy place thinking." Named strategies are easier to remember and use.
Using Strategies During Distress
When your child is upset:
Stay calm yourself: Your calm helps regulate their nervous system.
Offer choices: "Would deep breaths help, or do you want to listen to music?" Giving control helps.
Do it together: Don't expect them to do it alone. Participate with them.
Be patient: It might take several minutes for them to calm down.
Validate first: Before jumping to strategies, validate the feeling: "You're upset. That makes sense. Let's help your body feel calmer."
Don't force: If a strategy isn't working, try something different.
Building a Routine
Some children benefit from calming routines:
Before bed: Calming music, breathing, gentle stretching
Before a transition: A few deep breaths before leaving the park
When arriving home: A few minutes of calm time to decompress
Before challenging activities: Calming strategies before school, doctor visits, social events
Troubleshooting
"They don't want to calm down": That's okay. Sometimes kids need to feel their feelings first. Offer the strategy gently but don't force.
"It doesn't work": Different strategies work for different children. Keep trying new ones. What works changes over time.
"They forget when upset": That's normal. The calming part of the brain shuts down during upset. You might need to prompt: "Remember our breathing?" or "Want to go to our calm space?"
"I can't stay calm while they're upset": This is real and hard. Work on your own regulation so you have capacity to help theirs.
Signs of Calm
You'll know a strategy is working when you notice:
- Breathing slows and deepens
- Muscle tension releases
- Voice becomes quieter
- Movement becomes slower or still
- They're able to listen or focus
- Tears stop
- Facial expression softens
These are signs the nervous system is shifting toward calm.
Long-Term Development
Over months and years of practice:
- Strategies become more accessible to the child
- They can use them with less adult support
- They can think to use them without being prompted
- They develop a preference for which strategies work best for them
- They internalize the calm feeling that strategies create
By late childhood and adolescence, many of these become automatic.
The Value
Children who develop a toolkit of calming strategies:
- Have better emotional regulation
- Are more resilient in the face of stress
- Have reduced anxiety
- Sleep better
- Have better focus and learning
- Experience less emotional overwhelm
- Develop confidence in their ability to manage themselves
Teaching calming strategies is teaching your child tools for lifelong wellbeing.
Key Takeaways
Children can learn calming strategies starting in toddlerhood. These tools help them regulate emotions, reduce stress, and develop independence in managing their own wellbeing. The most effective strategies are those practiced in calm moments before they're needed.
